"I would lie in the hospital bed, afterwords. Pondering. Cliche things. ‘Why didn’t I die. What’ll I do now. What’ll happen to me?’ Because. Near death experiences don’t end with flowers and cheerful songs. They end with white hospital walls and somber speeches about why you need to be more careful.
I never liked the idea of being careful."
"Go after her. Fuck, dont sit there and wait for her to call, go after her because thats what you should do if you love someone. Dont wait for them to give you a sign cause it might never come, dont let people happen to you, dont let me happen to you, or her, shes not a fucking television show or tornado. There are people i might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me up drunk at 4 in the morning because they need to tell me right now and because they cannot regret this. And I always thought I’d be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a fuck to do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest and making someone fall in love with you is easy and flying 3000 miles on 4 days notice because you can’t just sit there and do nothing and breathe into telephones is not everyones idea of love but it is the way I can recognize it because that is what I do. Go scream it and be with her in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is, that is raw and that is unguarded, and that is all that is worth anything, really."
"Sometimes, I feel like I’m not solid. I’m hollow; there’s nothing behind my eyes. I’m a negative of a person. It is as if I never thought anything, never wrote anything, never felt anything. All I want is blackness. Blackness and silence."